A Credit Counselor Versus a Bankruptcy Attorney

Although child support discussions are some of the most contentious, it doesn't have to be so. In fact, you don't have to run to your lawyer every time you disagree with your ex-spouse (although legal help comes in handy in extremely difficult situations). Here are a few tips you can use to have constructive child support talks, instead of arguments, with your ex:

Have a Conversation, Don't Make a Demand

You stand a better chance of getting heard if you converse with your former spouse; instead of lecturing him or her on what he is she is supposed to do. If all you do is to send a list of demands and complaints, then you shouldn't be surprised to get negative feedback. The best approach is to have a discussion in which each party has a say.

For example, if he or she is late with payments, then it is better to schedule a meeting and have a discussion about it instead of sending a threatening message. When you do meet, you can discuss different things such as:

• the reasons for delay
• your understanding of the situation/financial constraints
• possible remedies

Stick To the Facts at Hand

Although you may be tempted to drag in other past issues and dwell on the other parent's "sins", you should resist that urge. Rather, restrict your discussion to the issue of child support, and better still, make it factual.

For example, don't start complaining to your ex how he or she used not to care for Olivia's welfare when she was young. Instead, tell him or her that Olivia will be kicked out of ballet class if the money isn't paid by Friday. It doesn't hurt to mention how Olivia is excelling in the lessons either.

Summarize His or Her Point of View

One of the best communication techniques is to summarize what the other party is saying; put it in your words. One advantage is that it makes you an active listener; you have to pay attention because you have to summarize what you hear when he or she is done speaking. Try it, and you might realize what a poor listener you can be. Also, it helps the other person to know that you understand them, which makes them more likely to respond to your queries too.

Consider an example where your partner complains that he or she or was intending to pay for the ballet lessons by Friday, but his or her construction site boss hasn't signed the paychecks yet. You can say something like "Are you saying you won't be able to pay for the lessons until you are paid, and when do you think that will be?"

Of course, there is only so much delay you can take. Despite, your best intentions, your partner may not live up to his or her promises. If that happens, you have no option but to inform your lawyer (such as one from Waters & Associates, Attorneys At Law) to start the legal process for enforcing the payments.